The Derwood Bowen Movie Vehicle

[Benj]

I thought it was time to invent another terrible word game that no one will play.  And so, here it is.

One poster will provide a movie title of a real, distributed film.  The next poster will look up the movie on IMDB and write a new movie synopsis as if Derwood Bowen were the title/lead/starring character.

Example: Gone With The Wind

Synopsis: Derwood Bowen is a teenager who can deal with a nation at war, Atlanta burning, the Union Army carrying off everything from his beloved Tara, the carpetbaggers who arrive after the war. Derwood is beautiful. He has vitality. But Ashley, the man he has wanted for so long, is going to marry his placid cousin, Joe. Mammy warns Derwood to behave herself at the party at Twelve Oaks. There is a new man there that day, the day the Civil War begins: Rhett Butler. Derwood does not know that Rhett is in the room when he pleads with Ashley to choose him instead of Joe.  Then they all die.


You can take any creative license you wish with the movie synopsis, as long as it is crazy hilarious.  I took someone's poorly written synopsis for GWTW and edited it in this case, because I'm lazy.

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Ok, the first movie is..

Star Wars

[Benj]

Nobody wants to try playing this awesome game?

[Doraemon]

I want to, but I was holding out for something other than Star Wars... I guess I could do it? but surely theres some real Star Wars fans here who would jump at the opportunity  :?:

[Nate_Derringer]

I propose an edit to the rules, I think derwood has to be the lead, but other forum vets should be used to replace other characters, the one stipulation i think is that all gender references should be left the way they are, even if the person you use is not of that gender, such as in your example. here is my submission, see what you think:

In a galaxy far, far away, a psychopathic emperor and his most trusted servant - a former Jedi Knight known as Dj birthright - are ruling a universe with fear. They have built a horrifying weapon known as the Death Star, a giant battle station capable of annihilating a world in less than a second. When the Death Star's master plans are captured by the fledgling Rebel Alliance, birthright starts a pursuit of the ship carrying them. A young dissident Senator, Jason, is aboard the ship & puts the plans into a maintenance robot named ashley. Although she is captured, the Death Star plans cannot be found, as ashley & his companion, a tall robot named imjustaguy, have escaped to the desert world of Tatooine below. Through a series of mishaps, the robots end up in the hands of a farm boy named Derwood Bowen, who lives with his Uncle Benj & Aunt Jeremy. Benj & Jeremy are viciously murdered by the Empire's stormtroopers who are trying to recover the plans, and Derwood & the robots meet with former Jedi Knight Buckshot binladen to try to return the plans to Jason's home, Alderaan. After contracting a pilot named Orosaa & his Wookiee companion Nate Derringer, they escape an Imperial blockade. But when they reach Alderaan's coordinates, they find it destroyed - by the Death Star. They soon find themselves caught in a tractor beam & pulled into the Death Star. Although they rescue Jason from the Death Star after a series of narrow escapes, bin laden becomes one with the Force after being killed by his former pupil - Dj birthright. They reach the Alliance's base on Yavin's fourth moon, but the Imperials are in hot pursuit with the Death Star, and plan to annihilate the Rebel base. The Rebels must quickly find a way to eliminate the Death Star before it destroys them as it did Alderaan.

next movie:
Snakes on a plane!

[imjustaguy]

Ashley and I are robots?  Dang, I didn't know that.  Yo Ashley, bleep blop bleep!

[Benj]

I propose an edit to the rules, I think derwood has to be the lead, but other forum vets should be used to replace other characters, the one stipulation i think is that all gender references should be left the way they are, even if the person you use is not of that gender, such as in your example. here is my submission, see what you think:

In a galaxy far, far away, a psychopathic emperor and his most trusted servant - a former Jedi Knight known as Dj birthright - are ruling a universe with fear. They have built a horrifying weapon known as the Death Star, a giant battle station capable of annihilating a world in less than a second. When the Death Star's master plans are captured by the fledgling Rebel Alliance, birthright starts a pursuit of the ship carrying them. A young dissident Senator, Jason, is aboard the ship & puts the plans into a maintenance robot named ashley. Although she is captured, the Death Star plans cannot be found, as ashley & his companion, a tall robot named imjustaguy, have escaped to the desert world of Tatooine below. Through a series of mishaps, the robots end up in the hands of a farm boy named Derwood Bowen, who lives with his Uncle Benj & Aunt Jeremy. Benj & Jeremy are viciously murdered by the Empire's stormtroopers who are trying to recover the plans, and Derwood & the robots meet with former Jedi Knight Buckshot binladen to try to return the plans to Jason's home, Alderaan. After contracting a pilot named Orosaa & his Wookiee companion Nate Derringer, they escape an Imperial blockade. But when they reach Alderaan's coordinates, they find it destroyed - by the Death Star. They soon find themselves caught in a tractor beam & pulled into the Death Star. Although they rescue Jason from the Death Star after a series of narrow escapes, bin laden becomes one with the Force after being killed by his former pupil - Dj birthright. They reach the Alliance's base on Yavin's fourth moon, but the Imperials are in hot pursuit with the Death Star, and plan to annihilate the Rebel base. The Rebels must quickly find a way to eliminate the Death Star before it destroys them as it did Alderaan.

next movie:
Snakes on a plane!

Excellent work.  Now if I weren't lazy, I'd do the next one.  But I have to clean up my house.  So I defer to Doraemon, master of all things funky.

[Doraemon]

Excellent work.  Now if I weren't lazy, I'd do the next one.  But I have to clean up my house.  So I defer to Doraemon, master of all things funky.

I'm on it. Watch this motherfluffing space, you mother!

[Derwood Bowen]

How about that?  imjustaguy can learn how to sing Arrogant Worms songs in robot language!

[Doraemon]

Snakes On A Plane

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS
WARNING: CONTAINS SNAKES

Derwood, a hapless wandering jazz musician, is in a jungle looking for a lady to seranade. On the way he happens upon a Psycho gangster going by the name of Over13 who is having a teaparty with a tied-up guy wearing a sombrero. Unfortunately, the gangster hears Derwood’s playing. He gets embroiled with a superfly FBI cop by the name of Benj, who convinces Derwood to go to LA to join his own teaparty. Also on the plane is a famous Hip hop guy Nate Derringer, a spoilt fashion-obsessed Paris Hilton-type called Ashley travelling with her dog, Mary-Kate (geddit?), and an arrogant British businessman, Doraemon. There are also two kids travelling unsupervised and smoking weed for the very first time, called imjustaguy and Jason. It turns out that Over13 has hatched a plan to release hundreds of snakes, carrying complementary towelletes, on to the plane. Worse still, the snakes have been instructed to kill any passengers seen to be reading The Da Vinci motherclucking Code. The first to be despatched are a couple who have cheekily retired to the aeroplane toilets to have their own private tea party, which is just not good manners.
Pretty soon, in a plainly racially motivated attack, the arrogant English business man Doraemon is despatched. Nate’s bodyguard, DJ Birthright, totally oblivious to what’s happening, plays videogames on his PSP, secretly wishing he had bought a Nintendo DS instead. And yeah, basically a load of snakes start biting/killing a load of various people who also somehow have the same names as people on this board. The snakes, who - rather puzzlingly - are all played by Jeremy – screw up the air conditioning, making all the passengers mildly uncomfortable. The snakes then proceed to tell the passengers to undo their safety belts and smoke a cigarette, when in fact it is not safe to do so. The pilot, Buckshot Binladen, and the co-pilot, Stevensonarera begin to feel slightly sleepy and therefore decide to have a snooze, leaving the plane unmanned by no man, just snakes. Benj has to step in to control the plane with the help of DJ Birthright. Unfortunately the only experience Birthrigh has of flying is on is PSP which - I reiterate – is a vastly inferior system to the Nintendo DS. Predictably, the plane crashes, and everybody dies.

Next Movie : Being John Malkovich(replacing Malkovich with someone on this board)

[imjustaguy]

If you click Stevensonarera don't click the "Homepage"!  Yeesh!  So now I'm a pot smoking teen on a plane full of snakes?  Yo Ashley, bleep blop bleep!

[Nate_Derringer]

Why couldn't I listen to you? I just had to click the hompage to see for myself. yikes.........just yikes.

[Doraemon]

Why couldn't I listen to you? I just had to click the hompage to see for myself. yikes.........just yikes.

ooops better run your spyware/virus scanners. I wasn't linking there to recommend the site, I just thought it'd be funny to include a spambot who has never posted anything...

But since you have explored yonder...for the benifit of mankind, pray tell...what's on the site?

[Nate_Derringer]

Violent asian porn, and no need to worry about me, I use a mac, no such thing as spyware or viruses yet on macs. *knock on wood*

[Nate_Derringer]

Derwood, a puppeteer, takes a filing job in a low-ceilinged office in Manhattan. Although married to the slightly askew Dj birthright, he hits on a colleague, the sexually frank Ashley. She's bored but snaps awake when he finds a portal leading inside Benj Edwards: for 15 minutes you see, hear, and feel whatever Benj is doing, then you fall out by the New Jersey Turnpike. Ashley makes it commercial, selling trips for $200; also, she's more interested in Dj birthright than in Derwood, but only when Birthright is inside Benj. Benj finds out what's going on and tries to stop it, but Derwood sees the portal as his road to Ashley and to success as a puppeteer. Meanwhile, Birthright discovers others interested in the portal.

Next movie:
Death to smoochie

[Benj]

Derwood, a puppeteer, takes a filing job in a low-ceilinged office in Manhattan. Although married to the slightly askew Dj birthright, he hits on a colleague, the sexually frank Ashley. She's bored but snaps awake when he finds a portal leading inside Benj Edwards: for 15 minutes you see, hear, and feel whatever Benj is doing, then you fall out by the New Jersey Turnpike. Ashley makes it commercial, selling trips for $200; also, she's more interested in Dj birthright than in Derwood, but only when Birthright is inside Benj. Benj finds out what's going on and tries to stop it, but Derwood sees the portal as his road to Ashley and to success as a puppeteer. Meanwhile, Birthright discovers others interested in the portal.

GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh