Create-a-Film

[Doraemon]

Okay here's a game. Someone comes up with a film title, someone else comes up with the plot and possible movie stars who could be hired to fill the roles. Bonus points for suggesting a director!

okay...
The 29 Feet of Steven Plantboy

[Benj]

Okay here's a game. Someone comes up with a film title, someone else comes up with the plot and possible movie stars who could be hired to fill the roles. Bonus points for suggesting a director!

okay...
The 29 Feet of Steven Plantboy

Detective Frank M. Stebbs is called on the case.. a greeting card has been found at the scene of a tomato market (tomato) massacre that reads "The 29 Feet of Steven Plantboy are upon you."  Two days later he hears a report that Steven "Plantboy" Watson, the famous blues guitarist, has gone missing.  After much useless investigation, Det. Stebbs picks up the trail to a local vegetable cult with fifteen members.  "Wouldn't that make 30 feet?" asked Stebbs' partner, Wally Halburg.  "Not if one of them is one-legged," replied the confident stebbs.  Well, Stebbs and Halburg check out the cult and it turns out that Plantboy was a member, but including him, it brought the tally to 30 feet -- no member was one-legged as suspected, and not all of the feet were his.  So Stubbs returns to the scene of the crime and searches above the ceiling tiles.  Turns out the guy who operates the market hired Plantboy to work in his paper factory, and Plantboy fell in -- producing 29 feet of Plantboy paper before they realized what happened and shut off the machines.  The owner had hid the incriminating paper rolls above the ceiling tiles in his tomato market, and the cult members, who suspected what had happened, took out their vengeance on the market owner's prized tomatos, and left the greeting card as a clue for the proper authorities to find.

Det. Stebbs: Harrison Ford
Wally Halburg: John Malkovich
Market owner: Bindra Halushipan
Steven Plantboy: Lawrence Todd

Directed by: Ron Howard

There ya go.  I'll make up a new movie title:

"Seven Ways to Squeeze a Monkey"

[Doraemon]

In the Wild West, an animated sombrero wearing monkey ("El Monkey") defends his ranch and pile of bananas against the corrupt Sherriff A.B Guthrie and his gang of assorted evildoers, who need the land to build a giant air purifier, next to a steam train station. Expect many shoot-outs and fisticuffs in seedy inns/whorehouses.

Bob Dylan ("Jonny Starfactor") stars in the background of every scene, doing nothing much other than wondering whats going on. There is also an annoying kid (the harry potter person, why not) who follows "El Monkey around, cooing with random comments of admiration.

El Monkey - Johnny Depp
Sherriff A.B Guthrie - David Carraldine (the "Bill" of Kill Bill fame)
Banana 1 - Woody Allen

"Sherriff, half our men are dead!"
Quit your worrying boy., thats better than *half a dead man* and besides..there are exactly Seven Ways to Squeeze a Monkey."
"Exactly7?"
"Yes. What a magnificent number"
"It is, isn't it"

Directed by Robert Roderiguez

Next -

"To Love ... and To Love You"

[imjustaguy]

A man (Joe Idaho) discovers he doesn't really exist, but he loves a woman (Penelope Jones).  So, he travels the world trying to find out how to exist so the woman he loves will notice him.  He learns that the only way for him to really exist is to show actions of love.  So he does actions of love for the woman he loves and she notices him.  He eventually learns how to really exist and they fall in love.

Joe Idaho- Will Ferrell
Penelope Jones- Scarlett Johanson

Joe-  Do I exist now?

Penelope-  You've shown that you love me, I guess that counts.

Joe-  I walked a long way to learn how to exist.  I walked across the Great Wall of China five times in a row.

Penelope-  You mean shortways.

Joe-  Yes.  Run away with me, I'll give you flowers when you wake up.

Penelope-  What if I am having a wonderful dream and I don't want to wake up?

Joe-  Who needs dreams?  I exist!


Directed by Tim Burton

next --

"Truly Vague"

[Doraemon]

The year is 2006. Communist spies are threatening to infiltrate American strongholds such as I dunno...The Whitehouse...and...Walmart.

The President, Beorge Gush, (Tom Hanks), gathers a crack team of sexy mercenaries, (Ben Affleck, The Rock, Lucy Lu, Britney Spears, and that one from the Butterfly Effect)

It turns out that these folk just aren't any good and so the President has to catch them himself with the help of his loveable robot sidekick (Chris Rock)

Anyway, it is unveiled that the Communist plot is to contaminate American Waters with memory loss drugs, so Americans everywhere can be more easily manipulated, and forget the national anthem. Unfortunately the head of the Communists has also taken the drug, so it is almost impossible to get the deactivation codes from him...before time runs out. On top of this, it is found that Lucy Lu is acctually a communist, and an elaborate kung-fu finale is required to send her back to the USSR.

Directed by MICHEAL BAY.

[Doraemon]

ooops....with all that wanton, biting satire I forgot the next title...

Children of the Grapehouse

[imjustaguy]

4 young men decide to travel the country in order to plant weed everywhere they can.  On the way the end up murdering a homeless man, a hooker, a Viagra salesman, and it turns out they all need lower mortgage rates.  Michael Moore, played by Steve Martin, makes a movie about them, criticizing them and making a somewhat convincing argument that it's all Bush's fault.  It turns out that one of them doesn't actualy smoke weed, and this devastates the others, so they decide to start a tribute band about Michale Moore, and George Soros makes a cameo appearance as the plucky young upstart who cleans out small businesses, because he is a custodian.

Starring:
Ashton Kutcher
Sean Astin
Ted Kennedy
and Ellen Degeneres
as
the Children of the Grapehouse


Next

The Empires New Clothes

[Benj]

Star Wars, Episode 3.5: The Empire's New Clothes

This episode of Star Wars takes place between Episode III and A New Hope.  Yoda is a fashion designer and the Emperor starts a rival fashion line.  Yoda gets really pissed off and tries to use the ways of the force to force Emperor Palpatine's signature brand (known only as "Palpa") off the galactic market.  Yoda can't quite feel the forceful goove on this one, so all seems lost.  But at the last moment, Obi Wan Kenobi saves the day through sabotage.  He breaks into the Empire's marketing department (headed up by none other than Darth Vader) and slips in falsefied plans to market primarily to the Wookies, who don't wear clothing.  As a result, the Empire spends all their money on advertising on Kashyyk, sales of Palpa clothing are terrible, and the Empire has no choice to cut its losses and ditch the clothing industry altogether.  The Empire's Stylon Gurus are chased throughout the galaxy and ruthlessly hunted down and exterminated by the few remaining Jedi clothiers.  Rumors persist that the Empire will next be going after the dental hygene industry... (a dramatic cliffhanger)

Cast:
Emperor Palpatine: Derwood Bowen
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Harrison Ford (in a strange casting twist)
Yoda: Frank Oz's Right Hand
Jabba the Hutt: Your Mom
Darth Vader: Your Other Mom
Klodon Varr: Cybil Shepherd
Trun Clodes: Kevin Bacon
Stylon Guru #3: Larch Mandible
Jedi Clothier #1: Jonah Simbolt

--

Next movie, your choice: "The Draining of the Magi" or "The Empire Strikes"

------
"I never met a you I didn't punch."

[Nate_Derringer]

The Draining of the Magi.

For hundreds of years the magi, a giant godzilla-like monster has stalked the streets of tokyo. He has eaten much and grown to dynamic proportions. However, we are shocked to find out that the magi was not born with a way to take a whiz. The movie takes place in a giant hospital created to house the monster. The race against the clock begins, will they find a way to drain the lizard in time or will they be too late and be covered in exlposive toxic wee-wee as the magi explodes from the tension? find out in this suspensefull thriller.

Magi: Barbera striesand.
DR. 1: Tetsuo okawa
DR. 2: Akuma gui
American doctor man: George clooney

special guest appearance as the magi's suprise baby: Robin williams

next movie

"They came for the dry cleaning!"

[Doraemon]

yay this topic isn't dead!

[Nate_Derringer]

I found it, and tried to bring it back to life, we'll see.....

[imjustaguy]

They Came for the Dry Cleaning

A Sci Fi Horror movie based on the classic Hamlet.  Instead of clothes, people walk around in nude alien suits.  Instead of ending sadly, the movie has a happy ending when a young boy named Sherwood Cohen discovers that he himself is the king of Mars, and that his father isn't actually dead, but instead, got a sex change.

All characters played by the cast of Will and Grace.

Zordgok:  To be or not, what the crap?  Let's kick some booty.

Claymore Jenkins:  Why did someone kill my carrot garden?


Next movie...

"Germs Chew Gum Too"

[Benj]

when a young boy named Sherwood Cohen

Heheh.

Next movie...

"Germs Chew Gum Too"

"Germs Chew Gum Too" is an educational film from the 1950s that serves as a powerful warning to elementary school-aged children that billions of microscopic germs live inside their chewing gum.  It contains many kitschy animated depictions of germs chewing micro-buble gum and calling each other "daddy-o" while plotting to kill the child who's mouth they currently inhabit.  47 min, 1953.


Cast
-----
Narrator: Gregory Peck
Boy #1: Blurwood Moen
Girl #1: Gaynard Tickleface

========

Next movie:

"Chomchom Goes to Derlywood"

[imjustaguy]

A quaint and fascinating film documenting Noam Chomsky's decision to prove his brilliance by creating his own film festival in Derly, France.  Along the way he discovers his love for the grammar of deaf people and discovers that language is meaningless unless we all think that Noam Chomsky is brilliant.  Michael Moore guest stars accidentally in the background walking out of a whore house.

Noam:  I do believe, and by believe I mean, for example, by saying in such a way that I am speaking, in such a way that I confidently contextualize my thoughts into words, thoughts I have conviction in, so much so that I believe them... -a mime punches him in the face and walks away-

SPOILER

Noam does end up discovering intelligent life forms outside this solar system, but upon that discovery, the life forms are so bored with his speaking style that they sent a letter saying "Dude, get a life".


NEXT MOVIE:

"The Horror of George Washington:  Revenge of the Cherry Tree"

[Doraemon]

A quaint and fascinating film documenting Noam Chomsky's decision to prove his brilliance by creating his own film festival in Derly, France.  Along the way he discovers his love for the grammar of deaf people and discovers that language is meaningless unless we all think that Noam Chomsky is brilliant.  

HAHA. classic. I have nothing to offer towards the next idea, but that was amazing.